I haven’t been on here for a while – I felt I was forcing out posts to keep to a mythical timetable – so only want to use this when I have found something useful to share. Today I read what Picasso said which resonated with me and made me think about how sometimes when working with clients they want quick fixes (as to be honest do I!). This quote reminds me to be patient and to carry on learning and developing.
We are so used to having our heads full of things at the beginning of the week but what is the most important thing to achieve this week? Giving your mind a quiet rest might be more fruitful than you think!
Carl Jung, Psychiatrist and Psychoanalyst had a wonderful way of describing the darker side of our consciousness, the things we don’t want to face or project onto others. Recently I have tried to talk to people about why things might not be all about the ‘other’ people in the story. What part do they play in their story? This quote is helpful:
Sometimes people I am seeing have complex emotions about what they are dealing with. They don’t always reveal what these are with words. So in coaching we can help reflect back what they are expressing as well as saying. For instance:
- Tell me how I should interpret your silence
- It seems that what I just said made you think about something – can you share that?
- I notice you looking down when talking about … as if you were uncomfortable with that thought – am I right? (Be prepared to get it wrong – you are just observing what you see)
- I heard you sigh when you talked about your workload – I sense that you are feeling a burden – am I right?
Noticing body language as well as words will bring greater understanding and interpretation of what the person is saying to you beyond words.
Try being brave, when you observe someone who is telling you more with their body than their words- reflect it back and find out what that means for them.
The 13th-century Buddhist sages taught us about the value and benefit of helping others – this can help us in the 21st Century when so much is centred on “self”. People working in public services know this well but the pressure on time and resources makes it harder to achieve, so here is a little reminder:
I am seeing a few people at the moment who need to be more compassionate to themselves. Ruby Wax in her ‘How To Be Human: The Manual’ https://www.ebay.co.uk/i/112795209141?chn=ps&adgroupid=50160776065&rlsatarget=pla-399656826200&abcId=1130076&adtype=pla&merchantid=114894538&poi=&googleloc=9045612&device=c&campaignid=1030310383&crdt=0 puts one of her tips rather beautifully, so I am shamelessly repeating it here for you to take note!
The power of language is something that fascinates me and particularly since coaching – where one small word can change a whole discussion. In a previous post I talked about swapping the “why” question with “I wonder” – being curious can elicit a different response when someone is under pressure, around performance for instance.
I admire Simon Sinek who is famous as a business guru in the US and had a very successful book (ironically called “Start with Why”: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Start-Why-Leaders-Inspire-Everyone/dp/0241958229/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1527514069&sr=8-1&keywords=start+with+why+simon+sinek) – the video below (which is only 3 mins long) talks about adding a short word or two to change the how you see yourself and your direction or successes – worth a look!
Try adding the word “yet” when you haven’t reached your ultimate aim this week.